Assertiveness means communicating your needs and perspective while respecting other people's rights. It sits between silence and aggression rather than requiring a confrontational personality.
The details of your life matter here: culture, relationships, health, finances and previous experiences can change what is useful.
Why this can feel difficult
Self-help can provide useful starting points, but it is not a substitute for an assessment when symptoms are persistent or serious. A practical strategy should be flexible enough for difficult days.
Some experiences worth recognising include:
- A delayed yes may become resentment.
- Apologising for every request can obscure the message.
- Anger sometimes appears after needs go unspoken.
It is also worth looking at the practical conditions around the problem. Sleep, money, support networks, workload, access needs and physical health can shape how a person copes.
Ideas you can begin with
The following ideas are starting points, not a checklist you have to complete:
- Practise a direct sentence beginning “I can” or “I cannot”.
- Use a calm tone without overexplaining.
- Repeat a boundary when necessary instead of escalating the argument.
Treat these as options rather than instructions. If an exercise increases distress or creates a safety concern, stop and seek appropriate support.
Exploring this in counselling
Counselling can offer role-play and help address fear of criticism or past experiences of conflict. Safety matters when another person responds with intimidation.
Try treating each suggestion as an experiment rather than a rule. Notice what helps, what does not and what needs to change around you, not only within you.
When a suggestion feels overwhelming, make it smaller. Breaking a step down or seeking practical help is not the same as avoiding the issue altogether.
Allowing change to happen gradually
Change can be uneven. A hard week does not automatically mean an approach has failed; it may show where an adjustment or extra support is needed.
You might notice that difficult moments take up less room in your day, that you recognise your needs sooner, or that you feel more able to make considered choices. It is worth checking whether a strategy actually improves your life rather than simply making you look as though you are coping.
You are allowed to ask questions about the care you receive.
Something worth asking yourself
Where would one clear sentence save you a week of resentment?
You could use that question in a journal, reflect on it while walking, or bring it to a conversation with a professional or someone you trust. You do not have to find the perfect answer immediately. The purpose is to notice what matters and what support may be needed.
Getting further help
Consider reaching out to a GP or qualified mental health professional if the issue continues, intensifies or affects sleep, relationships, work, study or everyday functioning. A professional can help you understand your options and whether further assessment or specialist care is appropriate.
If someone is in immediate danger in Australia, call 000. For crisis support, Lifeline is available on 13 11 14. These services do not replace ongoing assessment or treatment.
Further reading: healthdirect: Mental health information. This article is general information and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for personal professional advice.
Talk with a Backing U Counsellor
You do not have to work through every challenge on your own. Backing U offers supportive counselling through telehealth appointments by video or phone, as well as in-person sessions at Southport on the Gold Coast.
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For general enquiries, contact assist@backingu.com.au. Counselling is not an emergency or crisis service.